by angela on July 6, 2011
Yeah, that’s right Tuesday. You sucked. Pretty much from the moment I met you yesterday (around 6 am if I remember correctly).
Nothing worked right. The computer was slow, the phone kept dropping calls. Your only saving grace in that category is that my trusted coffee pot never faltered.
Nothing went the way I wanted it to. The painting isn’t going to happen, they gave away my moving truck (how does that even HAPPEN?) and so-and-s0 is mad at me. Again.
There was nothing good on TV. Because, well, it’s Tuesday night. I can’t remember the last time there was something good on Tuesday nights. So there.
So, yeah, you’re not all that you’re cracked up to be. You were a bad day. A horrible, no good, very bad day. Maybe your younger sibling (next Tuesday) will deliver on some good stuff because your older sibling (last Tuesday) was a helluva lot like you were. Not so good for your family line if I do say so myself.
Not to put any pressure on you, Wednesday, but I hope you don’t suck. Tuesday was awful, so you don’t have a whole lot to lose at this point but I would still appreciate a strong showing. Seriously, bring it.
by angela on July 31, 2010
“I think I’m on the edge of a nervous breakdown.” My husband looked at me after this left my mouth and said “Why do you think that?” And I said “I don’t know.”
The truth is I don’t think I’m about to have a nervous breakdown. But I’m not all here. I’m not present.
But I have no idea where I am. Or what’s wrong with me for that matter.
But something is wrong.
Call it depression. Call it a slump. Call it whatever. The fact is, I’m not ok.
I’ve dealt with this before. And I came out of it. Eventually. I don’t remember how exactly, but I did.
Things got better. Things got ok.
But I’m not ok. Why? Yes, I’m probably still rebounding from previous events. I’m probably not over it. And throwing myself into work isn’t helping. That has always been my fall back plan. When in doubt, work. If that doesn’t work, take a nap. If that doesn’t work, leave the house with the kids. One of those three things ALWAYS works.
Except this time. Except now.
So, now what? And to be honest, I’m not looking for an answer from others. I have a feeling this is something I have to discover for myself.
Thank God BlogHer is coming up.
Thank God I get to see my parents in a few days.
Thank God Perckle is coming with me to NYC.
But then what? I’m trying not to think about it. I’m just trying to convince myself to leave the house in a little bit to try again. To try and get my groove back. To try and feel like Angela again. To lose the sadness and the blackness inside that are, quite frankly, suffocating me.
