Dancing at My Desk

Blissdom 2010: Memoir Writing – The Power and Mystery of Telling Our Stories

Presenters include: Catherine Connors (@herbadmother), Megan Jordan (@velveteenmind), Tanis Miller (@redneckmommy) and Michelle Mitchell (@scribbit).

Description: What draws some of us to bare our hearts and live our lives outloud through writing? Sharing is a fine art, and helps us to clarify our thoughts, receive feedback (often hard!) and encouragement to grow, and lets us find support and validation. How do we balance the benefits with the risks of oversharing or affecting our family in ways they didn’t invite? How do we tell our stories in the best possible ways?

What makes a memoir different?

• Length (shorter in both books and blog posts)
• Point of view (first person)
• Expanse (very short; a snippet or short portion of key points in a person’s life)
• Structure and elements (similar to other genres; symbolism, conflict, etc)
• Resolution (there needs to be resolution)
• Honesty (this is key)

Question: What kind of responsibilities do you feel when you are writing memoir pieces?

Michelle: My main responsibility after writing the post is to ask myself “can my reader find themselves in my post?” New bloggers can tend to ramble about their day. If you want to reach people, there has to be something that other can relate to.

Tanis: I’m a little different. I’m thinking about getting my story out and translating it and how it makes me feel. I’m not thinking about you or a product. I write it strictly for the purpose of bringing joy and making people laugh. If at the end, I have a bitter taste in my mouth, then I don’t publish it.

Catherine: This is a difficult question. Most mom bloggers, parent bloggers or personal bloggers are memoir writers to some extent and the follow a story-telling model. Some of my posts are rambling in nature. I try to tell a story in every post. My first responsibility is to the people  I’m writing about. I have some responsibility to my readers but be careful not to get too wrapped up in who is reading your blog. Story telling is about community. My content is about me, my family and what I’m think about. But I wouldn’t be a story teller if I didn’t take the community into account at all. (In answer to not getting comments on personal posts, and should you focus on the posts that so many people got comments on): Posts that people really respond to don’t necessarily make them comment, but I get the most emails from. I’m not writing to start a discussion. When I write, I ask “is there a reason someone would want to read this?” Sometimes I just need to get something out and I’ll close comments on it but the rest of the time I’m considering “How can I, as a writer, draw people to my writing?”

Michelle: If people don’t like what I’m writing they can go somewhere else. (In response to “when you think of the arc of a story are you thinking about a post or a series of posts?”): It’s important to remember that resolution doesn’t mean everything is perfect and happy at the end. Pausing and taking a breath can be a resolution.

Tanis: The length of your post doesn’t matter. It’s the quality of your post and the emotions that you convey that really matter. You have to be clever and good when you write long posts. Don’t be dull, people will click off. But don’t be afraid of the long posts.

Megan: Your posts may be long, but do they “feel” long? I’m okay with the length of my posts. I don’t post frequently and my readers know what to expect.

Question: Do you feel like your blog is really your own?

Catherine: Absolutely and it’s important to me that I feel like I own my blog. With Her Bad Mother I protect it like a Mama Bear. I don’t do giveaways or product reviews; it’s there for me to tell my story.

Tanis: A year ago I would say yes. My hands are tied right now until I get an adoption decree in my hands and then I can take it back. I have to be very careful right now and people won’t like it, but it’s worth it. I don’t care what people say about my blog except for my husband if he ever shared what he thought or read it, but he doesn’t. It’s my space and I don’t want to hear complaints about it. The point is that it’s my space and I’m proud of it and I’m protective of it but to get something better I have had to be careful.

Catherine: When I am not the central character in a story, I ask for permission first before I publish it. That’s one my personal rules.

Megan: We find that we want to write about something that is totally different outside of what you normally blog about that we don’t have the platform for it. Are you owning the platform or is the platform owning you? I deal with jealousy of other people’s writers all the time because they are so good. That’s a shame because it’s the community that makes us all better. Tell yourself “They’re awesome and I’m jealous, but I’ve found a teacher for myself.”

Tanis: I write about whatever I want and my readers read it. My numbers don’t drop because I deviate from my main topic. As long as you stay true to yourself, your readers who love you will keep coming back.

Catherine: There is something about a memoir that keeps people engaged and keeps them coming back. Writers want to be read. You want people to hear what you have to say and I want to hear what other people have to say.